Monday, April 20, 2009

With Age, That Old Adage.

It's a long process and I feel as though I'm taking baby steps. The water's cold but there comes a time when your biggest concern is no longer what people might think when you're getting out, it's how satisfying it is while you're in.

The internet, for me, has always been a crutch. It's been the focal point of my life, but also it represented so much of what I considered possibility. The greener grass on the other side. After a long string of disappointments, I'm starting to understand that possibility is another word for hope, and hope can often be likened to fantasies. That is to say, sometimes just believing something may exist - and not allowing that thought to rule your life - is enough. An active search for it is more often than not a step in the wrong direction and will only leave you broken. More cynical.

Pleasures need not be complicated to satisfy our deeper need. They need only be trustworthy and reliable, and express a concern which is devoid of vanity. Love not for the sake of loving but because there is no other way.

Someday, we all grow tired of sabotaging our lives, and allow good things to manifest themselves without guilt. This is a step in the right direction.

2 comments:

Hanne said...

Reading this makes me miss hanging out with you, a lot.. Why are you on the other side of the world, exactly?

Chris Eff said...

Blame my parents for leaving their small islands in the Mediterranean and relocating to an east coast American town famous for its textile production in the 1950s.